i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
