can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
