Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
