Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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