is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
