wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
