Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
