so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
