did you get engaged???
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
