She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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