I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
