I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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