Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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