You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize