I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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