Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize