I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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