On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize