Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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