omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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