I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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