she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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