He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize