K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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