yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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