ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
