I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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