New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Your cock deserves a montage
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
