Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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