I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
