i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
