Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
