so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the liver wants what the liver wants
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
