...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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