Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
