I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
