He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
