i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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