well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
