I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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