if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
