Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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