i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
