3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
