I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
