K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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