I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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