I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
