TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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