So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
