my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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