I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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