Is it because I queefed?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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