if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
