can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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