Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
