When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
