the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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