so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
