after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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